How to write personal vows, commitments & promises

June 18, 2021 Kathryn Palmer-Skillings

A Humanist Wedding is always completely personalised by your celebrant. That means that your vows can be completely unique to you both. You can make promises and commitments that are authentic to your relationship and reflect exactly what’s important to you.

For lots of couples being able to write their own vows is one of the most beautiful reasons to choose a Humanist Ceremony. It can be a daunting task to start though.

This is where your celebrant can help and support you. Talk to them about what’s important to you and your marriage. They can help guide you with getting your thoughts, feelings and hopes on paper.

If you’re starting to think about writing your personal vows, I’ll talk you through some ideas and tips to get you started and help you write personal vows and promises that are unique, beautiful and meaningful.

Top tips and ideas for how to getting started writing your vows

Start with the promises you want to make

This commitment is the reason for your whole wedding! What are you there to promise to each other?

If you were to look back in 10 years on your successful marriage,

What will have been important for your happiness together?

Say them out loud as you write

This will help you find words you naturally use

Think about tone and how you want to feel, how do you want your partner to feel?

Make your vows or promises feel authentic to you both
You can use humour, pet names, nods to shared interests or passions

Decide how you’d like to write them:
- in secret (lovely and sentimental)
- write together (a chance to share your shared hopes as you start your marriage)
- a combo (3 lines shared with one line personalised, for example).

However you write them, I can help to review, edit or make suggestions to be sure they will work well together.

Decide on your structure:
- Read your own - lovely as the first time people hear them it’s from you. Works especially for secret vows.
- Repeat after me - I’ll speak quietly for you to repeat. Removes the stress perhaps!
- “I/we do” - statements you answer either together or separately. Removes any pressure to read on you and feels very familiar. Also consider whether you’d like to invite guests to support and shout we will (can be fun!)

It’s important that your vows feel absolutely authentic to you both and that’s where a celebrant like myself can help.

As your celebrant I will be on hand to guide you through writing your own vows. Making promises that are completely meaningful and true to you is a really fabulous way to start your marriage.

Want to find out how you can have a completely personalised wedding ceremony? Say hello!

Looking for some inspiration? Here are some examples of different kinds of unique vows and promises for different situations.

Written by couple but repeated after celebrant (dashes represent where the break would be for this repeat-after-me approach)

I ask everyone here present / to witness that I, A, take you, B, to share my life with/I will love you and look after you/ I will bring you happiness and laughter throughout your life/whatever our future together holds/My heart is in this ring/My love is in this ring/I promise to trust you and love you unconditionally through the best and the worst/Whatever may come, I promise I will always be there for you.

Secret, memorised and delivered on the day

Partner A:

(name), you’re the reason I laugh, the reason I smile, the reason I dance.

I promise to love, support you and be by your side through our lives together.

I promise to continue to travel with you and experience new things.

I promise to always make you laugh and make you a nice cup of tea in the morning.

I promise you the freedom to always be outrageous and ridiculous.

Thank you for honouring me by being my partner, I love you.

Partner B:

(name), pickle. You always amaze me with your knowledge, wit and humour. You are the reason I learn, laugh and smile every day.

I promise to treat you with kindness, respect and love.

I promise to be your ray of sunshine, bringing light and laughter to our relationship.

I promise to encourage you to try new things and find fun in every experience.

I promise you can always wear my sequin jacket at festivals, it looks better on you!

I feel incredibly lucky to have fallen in love with my best friend - so let's get really, really old together.

Vows written by the couple together, read one at a time

I love you with all my heart and I promise to be by your side always – to share the joy and laughter and companionship of being together. I will support you through both the good times and the bad. I will be your partner, your lover, your best friend and your soul mate.

Collection of short sentiments

Today I marry my friend,

The one I have laughed and cried with,

The one I have learned from and shared with,

The one I have chosen to support, encourage,

And give myself to, through all the days

Today I marry the one I love.

(Name), I join my life with yours today

Without hesitation and with an open and trusting heart.

Whatever we may encounter,

Let us encounter it together.

Take this ring and with it my commitment

To be the best partner I can be

(Name), I promise to be your friend and partner,

and to walk beside you always;

to love you with all that I am as you love me;

to support, respect and share with you in all of life's decisions,

through joy and sadness, triumph and uncertainty, laughter and tears;

to have you in my life every day for as long as we live.

Short and snappy!

I, (Name), promise to love and cherish you, (Name), for the rest of your life.

I will try to bring laughter to your life and make you happy.

I will consider you in the decisions I have to make, and value your opinions.

Today I vow to be your partner for the rest of our lives.

More Formal

(Name), I acknowledge my love and respect for you.

You are my faithful partner in life; my one true love, my best friend.

I will miss you madly when you are far – and hold you close when you are near.

I will provide for your needs as best I can, and protect you from harm.

I promise to laugh with you – to cry with you.

I will reason with you when reason works, and laugh with you when reason doesn’t.

I will love you until the end of time, I give you this ring as a token of my love for you

I do structure (slightly more familiar sounding)

(Name), do you aspire to love, honour and respect (Name) through the varying circumstances of your lives and to love them equally with your body, heart & mind?

I do

Do you pledge to honour (Name)’s integrity, respect their privacy and care for their wellbeing?

I do

Do you aspire to learn from your shared experiences, and to build from them a full and loving marriage based on trust, respect and equality?

-I do

Shorter “I do” sentences

Do you, (Name), take (Name), to be your partner in life and one true love?

Will you cherish your friendship and love them today, tomorrow, and forever?

Will you trust and honour them?

Will you laugh and cry with them?

Will you love them faithfully

Through the best and the worst,

Through the difficult and the easy?

Whatever may come will you always be there for them?

And as you have given them your hand to hold

Do you now give them your life to keep?”

Example where couple say “we will” - showing unity in the commitments

(Name) and (Name), will you seek to have a loving marriage, allowing it and each other to change and develop, supporting each other in happiness and sorrows?

We will

Will you seek to live together as equal and different individuals, and to recognise and accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses?

We will

Will you seek to trust the ebbs and flows of your love, to offer your love without conditions, trusting that it will always return, and understanding that its nature may change?

We will

Will you seek always to learn from your shared experiences, and to build from them a full and caring friendship based on trust and on respect?

We will

“We do” - similar structure

(Name) and (Name), do you aspire to love each other and to live together in a spirit of tolerance, mutual support and concern for each other’s well being, sharing your responsibilities, your problems and your joys?

Yes we do

Do you aspire to help each other provide a loving and stable home for your children; to co-operate in bringing them up to be caring, honest and happy?

Yes, we do

Repeat after me, following more familiar structure

(Name), I promise to love you and to trust you; to be honest with you and to be faithful to you;

I promise to be a loving and supportive partner; for as long as we both shall live.

I give you this ring as a token of my enduring love and support.

Please repeat after me:

(Name), I promise to love you and to trust you; to be honest with you and to be faithful to you;

I promise to be a loving and supportive partner; for as long as we both shall live.

I give you this ring as a token of my enduring love and support.

“I do” but following more familiar structure

(Name), do you promise to cherish and care for (Name) in sickness and in health, in hard times as well as good for as long as you both shall live?

(I do)

(Name), do you joyfully accept (Name) as your partner, to share your life with them, to be honest, trusting, to communicate openly with them. Do you promise that you will love, cherish and care for them with tenderness and affection all your life?

(I do)

Poetry

Don't walk in front of me,

I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me,

I may not lead.

Walk beside me and be my friend.

From this day forward,

You shall not walk alone.

My heart will be your shelter,

And my arms will be your home

Asking each other to make the commitment

I, (Name), promise you, (Name), to love and cherish you always, in everything, and to stand beside you as your partner while we build our future and achieve our dreams together, to be your best friend, to respect your individuality and always to try to understand any differences between us. I promise to trust you, to be honest with you and to bring you laughter throughout your life. I now ask everyone to witness that I have asked you to be my partner.

Will you spend your life with me?

-I will

I, (Name), promise you, (Name), to be your best friend, to respect your individuality and always to try to understand any differences between us. I promise to trust you, to be honest with you and to bring you laughter throughout your life. I promise to love and cherish you always, in everything, and to stand beside you as your partner while we build our future and achieve our dreams together.

I now ask everyone to witness that I will ask you to be my partner. I will love you and look after you and I will keep you happy throughout your life.

Will you take me as your partner and spend your life with me?